id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
