the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
