Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
