I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
