You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
