btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
