I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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