she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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