Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
