Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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