Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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