the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
