ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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