im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need a beard to bite.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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