so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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