Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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