did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm bleeding and have questions
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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