drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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