If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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