My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
