You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
