I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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