whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
