woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
