he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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