i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im holly from the hills drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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