Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
