The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
