yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
