Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
