He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
