Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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