He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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