Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
