so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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