she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
