During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
