That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
