Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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