she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
