Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
