I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
