I am puke
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
