Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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