I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
