We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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