I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
