My brain says no but my pants say off.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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