I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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