no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
