remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
